Shit I Pulled In Trade School

darkstrangevirgilanxiboi:

I went to Jobcorps ( a government funded trade school operation ) for about a year and while most of my school related stuff was boring , the free time sure wasn’t ( and class could be exciting too )

I was a rebellious 19 year old , away from home for the first time and I went in ready to cause ruckus

I think I succeeded

I’m quite proud of the shit I pulled in trade school as a mere office administration student ~

First off you need to know they grouped students here based on the enrollment day so I had about 15 other kids in my class , and they called these our “ orientation groups ” . We nicknamed each other “ Oreos ” and stuck together like a frightened band of Hobbits on their first quest .

I still talk to most of my Jobcorps class , they’re great people.

Anyway , onward to the mayhem!

– On the first day of school , I managed to convince THREE staff members I only spoke Lithuanian, despite only knowing like three words of that language . Kept the joke running until I graduated and only then did I tell them I spoke perfect English ( they assumed I had learned it there )

– Got my high school diploma while I was there-( a special program they offered for students without one ) and managed to complete a year’s worth of unfinished English assignments in a day ( it was just this super long test but I passed it in like five minutes, the teacher was convinced I was a genius )

-Quickly gained the nickname “ Nyx” for both my dark fury and my obsession with dark and creepy things , plus I love Greek myths so….

– Started an underground food store because the campus was overpriced as fuck , and made BANK on ramen noodles.

– Became the most popular girl in the dorm because I always had food and was willing to trade it for things like money or favours or clothes

“ Hey Aubrey , you got any food?”

“ Bitch yeah”

“ Gimme some then ”

“ You gotta pay me for it ”

“ What? RUDE”
“ I didn’t spend my money on food just to give it away to someone I don’t even like ”

“ BITCH-”
“ You want food or not Samantha? ”

“ -sighs- will you take a shirt? I got a shirt your size I never wear ”

“Sure ! Here’s your food , get my shirt ”

– Got nicknamed “ Top Badass ” in my dorm because I stood up to our dorm manager and successfully smuggled in contraband under her nose

( we weren’t allowed to keep food in our dorm rooms , I did it anyway and never got caught because I perfected the innocent act )

– Had an impromptu production of Harry Potter and made it into a long dramatic musical ( not A Very Potter Musical ,nothing could top that ) and didn’t get in trouble because I got the top students into it , and I got to play a very flirtatious Sirius Black
( wish it had been filmed , it was glorious)

– Found out they were cancelling the art program so I raided the art studio in secret ( I volunteered at the rec hall no one suspected me ) and made off with a bunch of art stuff AND National Geographics ( the art teacher collected them before she was fired )

– Somehow bullshitted my way into the top brass of students , what the staff called “ Gold Students ”, and thus got to go on free field trips and special events weekly and got to go to dinner early

– Briefly became the underground art teacher , and taught a bunch of stressed young adults how to draw their feelings

-Got a cheating boyfriend of mine kicked out , and he’d given me half his stuff the weekend before so I got to keep it because he never came back for it and the school just kinda went “ well he DID give it to you so ”

– Slept in the art studio a few times and never got caught

– Secretly set the dorm managers directv account to record “ Desperate Housewives ” because she looked like one of them

– Wrote DC universe fan fiction in class and wasn’t bothered by the teacher because I was at least doing my work on the side

– Answered questions with questions

“ What are you doing?”

“ What are any of us doing ? What can we do ? We’re stuck on this rock in space , I’m doing my best to forget? ”

“ Are you aware that you’re not allowed to DO that?”

“ What is awareness? How do we decide that? And rules are arbitrary things , we create them but without us to enforce them nothing changes, what is the point? ”

– Hid an entire collection of dvds and movies that I wasn’t supposed to have ( we weren’t allowed personal media) and managed to sneak them into the rec hall so we could watch them

– Enthralled my entire office administration class with conspiracy theories and unsolved mysteries, the favorite one being the Dyatlov Pass incident ( Google it , it’s wild) and then the teachers got in on it

– Made joking plans with a friend of mine to form a chicken restaurant called simply “ Cocks ” , have it look like a strip joint outside , and then be a chicken place inside , with a plethora of chicken items on the menu.

All the waiters are ripped male models , wearing only tight latex pants and bowties. Their latex pants have their names on the legs .

There’s a strict ‘full-homo “ warning at the door , but this is a ruse , only a few waiters are gay . The full spectrum of sexualities is covered, with one obligatory straight guy .

All the sauces are referred to as special sauce in a seductive tone .

If you don’t refer to chicken as cock the waiter will pretend not to hear you .

” Can I get a chicken marinara bowl"

“ I’m sorry?”
“ -sighs- can I get a Cock marinara bowl?”

Waiter jokingly looks at his crotch region

“ I guess I can put it in a bowl ”

The waiters are encouraged to put tip money in their waistbands

The rudest customers get challenged to a throw down called a Cock Show. You have to fight all the waiters in order for us not to call the cops.

Nobody ever beats Duncan.

A fun family friendly no bullshit taking restaurant, that is the neighborhood bane

Anyway that’s a few fun tales, I have more though