butmomilovepeter:

dumb iron dad/high school peter headcanons based on my life as a teenager

• this boy does not hydrate
• like, okay, if he’s thirsty he’ll drink but he ain’t bringing a water bottle with him anywhere
• he sleeps fine most of the time but like also he doesn’t function AT ALL IN THE MORNING
• “do not fucking talk to me until ive brushed my teeth”
• he wears the same like six outfits but in different orders
• “does this red plaid shirt match these spotted socks? absolutely not but it’s 5:45 in the morning”
• he loves telling people about his life?? like not to an annoying extent but like DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY TOP TEN FAVORITE MOVIES BECAUSE I WILL TELL YOU!!!!
• back to the lack of hydration, a lot of the time when he stands he gets dizzy and sees The Black Spots
• but he’s so used to it that he doesn’t think twice
• once it happened at the lab and tony was so fucking ready to rush him to the medbay
• but peter’s just like “nah it’ll pass gimme a sec” while he stands there swaying
• tony: that’s,,,thats so stupid please drink so water
• peter: im not thirsty
• tony: YOU ALMOST BLACKED OUT—
• peter: …and?
• tony: wjdjwixnwkdnwn please be normal
• peter whispers the ends of conversations he has in his head out loud sometimes like no i don’t want the hot dog!!
• tony: PLEASE PETER IM BEGGING YOU
• sometimes peter will just start t-posing for absolutely no reason
• “im asserting my dominance mr stark”
• “there is NO ONE here what the fuck”
• peter sings all that damn time
• and like he’s good but he will sing bad on purpose because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s trying too hard
• tony: you can play your music while we work
• peter: neat *plays his spotify playlist titled songs white people think slaps*
• peter, loudly and horribly: TAKE ME HOOOOOOOME TO THE PLAAAAAACE I BELOOOOOONG WEST VIRGINIAAAAAAA MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAAAAA TAKE ME HOOOOOME COUNTRY ROOOOOADS
• tony: i literally am going to throw myself into the ocean
• peter. loves. john hughes. movies.
• tony once puts on sixteen candles for movie night and peter recites it WORD for WORD
• tony and peter have accidental Family Chats
• like peter has a rough school day and sudden he’s crying in the backseat of tony’s car and holding a frosty while tony tells him about the time rhodey didn’t talk to him for a week because he accidentally lit his computer on fire
• peter MUST sleep to music or he can’t sleep at all and when tony asks why peter says it’s because his mom used to sing to him before bed and now she can’t
• tony, softy but with feeling: fuck
• peter doesn’t use grammar in his texts?? no apostrophes or capital letters and weirds the heck outta tony
• tony accidentally gets peter into classic rock so now peter wears iron maiden tshirts and hums you shook me all night long under his breath
• peter is a badass creative writer
• like when he gets bored at the lab he’ll write himself short stories
• one time he left his notebook there and tony reads it and loses his MIND
• in conclusion peter is a struggling gen z kid and tony can’t keep up