Deceit’s favorite drink is the Huge quantities of pomegranate juice that leaks out of the gutters after it rains
Deceit likes to stand beside Roman’s bed and watch as he sleeps, hovering merely inches above the sleeping head and breathing with hot breath that carries a faint scent of a freshly unrolled Gaiam yoga mats
Deceit has not blinked once in his life
Deceit has blinked every second of his untimely death
Deceit really doesn’t think it’s rude to slice his tongue out of his head whenever he tastes something bad but death is more desirable to him than the taste of Miracle Whip
Deceit makes his clothes out of gently used carpet cleaner bottles but if there is exactly 18.5 fluid ml of the substance in the bottle he eats it
Deceit likes to inhale fire f r om scented candles. He enjoys its detoxing qualities and the mind bending, LSD-esque effects it has on him
Every time Deceit sees a mushroom he collapses
Deceit takes long, long licks on the piano keys, but only the black ones. Somehow he always ends up playing a perfect rendition of the Cha Cha Slide
Deceit somehow slithers despite the fact he is bipedal and only ever walks on his three feet
Deceit throws bulbs of garlic at Virgil whenever Virgil sees a staircase
Deceit smears Patton’s skin with butter at 3AM every Thursday night
Virgil has been taken away (,) but where?
An unfortunate turn of events for him, for certain!
Deceit likes to sleep in the clothes dryer. Being tossed around in a heated tube that turns his skin charcoal grey is an almost orgasmic experience for him
Deceit deceives everyone by claiming that he has washed the dishes, but his definition of the word “washed” usually means “licked”
Deceit usually only bathes himself in the washer, but he only bathes in whey
Despite asking baby to not hurt him no more, baby did in fact hurt him many more times
Deceit is the only one brave enough to go after Logan whenever Logan scuttles into the vents on all fours, his fourth eye erupting on his elbow. No one has ever seen this eye but the eye sure as hell has seen them
Deceit mops the floors with his face
BUCKETs
The only reason why deceit calls his bowler hat a bowler hat is because he uses it as a bowl for salads and also a bowling ball. Things get a raucous when he uses the hat as both
Any time Deceit sneezes he rubs the juice on the arm of whoever is closest, but then again, so does everyone else
Deceit’s neck elongates in a wiggly way anytime he is touched
Deceit’s outer layer is made of bone; beneath that is blue raspberry jello.
Deceit bleeds a fine mixture of Italian bread crumbs and Penicillin
Deceit is vaccinated of course, however doctors are only slight emaciated when they see him drink the vaccination fluid instead of injecting it into his muscles
Deceit throws socks at those he hates and gives shoes to those he Likes
Patton has infinite shoes
Deceit bites down upon the strings of any string instrument anyone happens to be playing, for the vibrations give him back his sight
Deceit carries a can opener at all times and uses it primarily to open bags
Deceit wiggles bonelessly when playing monopoly
Deceit does not play monopoly for reality is not fun
Every morning Deceit crack”““s each and every one of his teeth out of his jaw so that he can spray Febreeze in the sockets of his gums.
Deceit ate a bluetooth speaker once, and plays epic orchestral covers of “Riding with the King” on it whenever Patton enters the room
Deceit loves to fall out of trees, for he loves it when his heart stops beating
The banjo plays Deceit
Deceit wears gloves to hide the fact that he has hooves
Deceit has two forked tongues, one in his left ey”””e and the other wiggling somewhere around his cerebellum
Deceit uses Pam cooking spray as body lot I on and vinegar as shampoo
Deceit stores Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the folds of his greasy elbows
There are secrets beNeath Deceit’s bowler hat, Virgil is certain of it
Deceit has a glass eye, however it is not where One would expect it to be
Deceit relishes in the fact that his ribs are actually Wet, venomous spines
Deceit Wears a crown under his bowler hat
Each time he Enters a room and spots Logan, Deceit performs the macarena
Deceit creeps outside. He looks around furtively. The others AREN’T He spies a tree. He stealthily approaches it. He snaps off a twig. He chews it. It is woody.
Deceit wears pillow pets on his feet because they make him feel SAFEbut only on the inside
Deceit loves to HELP those who think they don’t need it
YoUShould probably turn around right about now
Why?
Because Deceit wants you to know that he can see you
Anxiety-prone-human 