It’s not the same.
It’s so different… so confused and overwhelming. The first time it happens to Logan he’s spiraling; overthinking everything like a snake devouring it’s tail because the problem HAS no solution that will not cause itself it’s own problem in an endless loop, or at least that’s the only logical conclusion Logan can come to. They tell him it’s fine –IT IS NOT FINE!– he’s overthinking things –I AM NOT!– he needs to stop, –MAKE ME!!– he needs to be reasonable –I AM REASONABLE!!– he needs to be calm –I AM CALM!!!– he needs to realize he’s wrong-
“F A L S E H O O D ! ! !”
He claps his hands over his mouth in a furious;y conflicted and confused panic and sinks down moments after it happens. He’s afraid of what he sounds like, afraid of what he might do. His voice isn’t normal- he can’t think he can’t think HE CAN’T THINK.
Virgil’s always has that dark overlay when he;s overwhelmed with anxiety… the sound being “monstrous in nature” as Roman once called it.
Not Logan.
Logan’s is doubled; robotic. Inhuman.
It startles Thomas at how LOUD it is and how CERTAIN Logan was and Patton and Virgil look at each other in panic. Roman’s spiraling too because of this but not nearly enough- not the same. Virgil has to find him. Thomas can;t think when Logan’t like this. Patton tries to keep him in check.
Virgil finds Logan in his Room with the door partially open like he’d run inside. He’s in the corner of his room rocking, hyper-fixated on words so many words everything is words words words WORDS WORDS–
Virgil approaches but he shrieks and it’s a terrifying booming robotic double voice.
“G O A W A Y V I R G I L …”
“I’m not leaving you Logan.” He says sternly. “You’re overwhelmed.”
“I A M N O T! I – I – I -”
Virgil can see he’s trying hard to focus and failing, his glasses skewed on his face and his tie undone, his hair a disheveled mess as he rocks back and forth. He’s tugging on it frantically. Logan can feel Thomas’s lungs- he’s thinking about breathing; he’s lost the function of auto breathing. He’s thinking about their heartbeat and he can’t stop counting the seconds between. He’s thinking about all the things that they haven;t done, al lthat he wants to get done, and he;s thinling about thinking.
Thinking too much, too much it’s too much, his head feels like it;s going to explode! Please please stop- Help, help please!!!
“M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T S T O P … M A K E I T -”
“LOGAN!”
Virgil shouts and the other stops talking, whimpers and doesn’t look up. Virgil kneels in front of him. “Logan….” He says more gently, though his voice is heavily distorted and he can tell it;s Logan’s fault. He can see him shaking like a leaf on a windy day, and realizes Logan is trying so hard to stop he’s trapped himself in a loop. As much as Virgil realizes all of Logan’s overthinking is sending him into a panic himself, he needs to help. So he grabs Logan;s face and covers his ears, pressing their foreheads together and saying. “Logan stop it stop it NOW.” It’s a clear Anxiety-induced order and Logan halts, still shaking but locks eyes with the other. “Breathe Logan, breathe. Remember what we worked on…”
In for four seconds…..
“That’s it Lo, keep going.”
Hold for seven seconds…..
“You’re doing amazing…..”
Release for eight seconds……
“There you go, there’s my egghead.”
Logan feels dizzy and lightheaded but the overwhelmed circular thoughts have dissipated and he slumps into the other’s arms. “Mnng….” He groans and kneads at his eyes under his glasses, trying to alleviate the headache somewhat. Logic did not get overwhelmed that easily. Not…. not like that. That had been a ride and a half for Logan. “Virgil….” He manages quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Virgil pulls him into a careful hug. “You’re alright, Logan. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes.”
“I am Logic, I shouldn’t.”
“You and I both know that’s bullshit, so don’t even go down that train of thought. You just got out of one of a similar caliber.”
Logan sighs and sits up, adjusting his glasses. Virgil is right. “I need to apologize to Thomas.”
“I think Patton and Roman are handling it.” Virgil replies
and keeps his grip firm around the other, somewhat possessive. “You can do that later. Right now… I think you need to take it easy for a few more minutes and let me hold you.”
“Thank you.” Logan buries his head in the other’s shoulder and feels a soft kiss to his temple. “Uhhhhhhhg that sucked.”
With Patton, it’s starts with a sob.
And then another. And then the tears start to flow freely. Until his crying drowns out the voices of the others.
“W h y…”
(—y, —y, —y)
“I t ‘ s a l l — a l l s o u n f a i r…”
(—unfair, —unfair, —unfair)
His voice reverberates like someone whispering into a vast, empty cavern. The hollow echoes slowly trail off, murmurs that are somehow so loud.
Patton hiccups and sobs again, and this time, Logan comes to his rescue. He tries to speak, but he can’t be heard over the echoes that dominate the space between them. He settles for tentatively resting his hand on Patton’s shoulder, reminding him that no matter how loud he gets —no matter how overwhelmed Thomas feels— there’s a time where his voice will quieten again, and the storm will calm. Patton looks up with tears in his eyes and can’t stop the loud whimper that resonates around him.
But this time it’s okay.
“I — I — I ‘ m s o r r y… I t ‘ s j u s t… W e s h o u l d h a v e t r i e d h a r d e r…”
The others join the two as Patton’s sobs slowly quiet down to the occasional sniffle, and their voices can be heard once again.
“Shh, there there now, it’s okay…”
“We did the best we could.”
“Let it out… there you go…”
Patton lets out a shaky laugh. “T-thanks, guys.”
I DIDNT WANT TO BE SAD BUT HERE I AM
Anxiety-prone-human 